Why Is It So Hard to Trust Myself?

If you've ever found yourself asking everyone else what they think, researching something for days, or feeling like you need just one more piece of information before you can decide... you're not alone.

Trusting ourselves sounds like it should be natural. After all, we're the ones living our lives. We're the ones who have to wake up every morning inside the decisions we've made. And yet somehow, for so many of us, trusting ourselves feels like one of the hardest things we'll ever learn.

Instead, we look outward. We ask our partner. Our friends. Our therapist. The internet. We read another book. Listen to another podcast. Pull another card. Wait for another sign. Not because we're incapable of making decisions. But because somewhere along the way, many of us stopped believing that what we already know is enough.

The Problem Isn't That You Don't Trust Yourself

I actually don't think self-trust is the problem. I think the problem is that we've spent years—sometimes decades—being taught to value almost every voice except our own. From the time we're little, we're rewarded for getting the right answer. For following the rules. For listening to the experts. For making the "smart" decision.

None of those things are inherently bad. But very few of us are taught something equally important: how to recognize what feels true for us. Not what makes sense. Not what looks good on paper. Not what everyone else would choose. What feels true.

And after enough years of looking outside ourselves, it becomes almost automatic. When something important comes up, our attention immediately moves away from ourselves. Who should I ask? What should I read? What am I missing? Maybe someone else knows.

Why More Information Often Makes Things Worse

Have you ever noticed that sometimes the more information you gather, the less clear you become? It feels like clarity should work the opposite way. If I just understand a little more...If I compare one more option...If I think about it for another week...Then I'll finally know. Sometimes that's true. Often, it isn't. Because information answers questions. But it doesn't always create knowing.

In fact, I've watched people spend months researching decisions they already knew the answer to in their bodies. They weren't looking for clarity. They were looking for certainty. And those aren't the same thing.

I See This Every Week

One of the greatest privileges of my work is sitting with people as they begin remembering themselves. Almost every week, someone says a version of this: "I actually knew."

They knew the relationship wasn't right. They knew they wanted to leave the job. They knew they needed rest. They knew they weren't excited anymore. They knew they wanted to move.

The knowing wasn't missing. Their trust in it was. That distinction changes everything.

Human Design Changed the Question for Me

One of the reasons I fell in love with Human Design is that it completely changed the conversation. Before discovering it, I assumed everyone was trying to make decisions the same way. That if I just thought clearly enough, eventually I'd become someone who always knew what to do.

Human Design offered a completely different possibility. What if you already have a reliable way of knowing...but nobody ever taught you how to recognize it?

Not everyone is designed to experience clarity the same way. Some people need time. Some people experience an immediate bodily response. Some people hear their truth as they speak. Some experience quiet, instinctive knowing.

The goal isn't to become someone else. It's to become deeply familiar with how you experience truth.

Self-Trust Isn't Built All at Once

This is the part I think we often miss. Self-trust isn't a mindset. It's a relationship. And relationships aren't built through one big moment. They're built through hundreds of tiny ones.

Every time you notice your own knowing. Every time you honour it. Every time life shows you that your experience can be trusted. That's how trust grows. Not because you never make mistakes. But because you stop abandoning yourself in the process.

A Place to Begin

If you've found yourself constantly looking outside yourself for answers, I'd invite you to become curious before trying to change it. The next time you're about to ask someone what they think, pause for just a moment.

Ask yourself: "Before I hear anyone else's opinion... what do I already know?"

You don't have to act on it immediately. Just notice. Because more often than not, the conversation you're longing to have with someone else is the one your own wisdom has been waiting to have with you.

Continue the Conversation

If this resonated, the next question isn't whether you can trust yourself. It's how your unique way of making decisions actually works.

That's exactly what Human Design calls your Authority—your body's own decision-making intelligence.

You can start with What Is Authority in Human Design? (And Why It Changes Everything) to understand the different ways people are designed to find clarity.

Or, if you already know your Authority and you're ready to experience it rather than simply understand it, my Embodied Authority Orientation is a self-led experience designed to help you begin living it in your real life.